reclaiming space

beyond Sartre's look

I recently listened to Kate moss on Bella Freud’s podcast, fashion neurosis, where she said in referencing to modelling, “Your body is not your own when it’s a vessel for somebody else’s imagination”. A sentiment I embodied throughout my own career in modelling. I think one of the hardest things about having a career based on how you look is the tension between objectivity and subjectivity. How you are perceived vs who you are underneath it all.

There is a moment in life where you realise you are an object in somebody else’s world. That there is a wider perception of you beyond your own subjectivity. When you catch somebody’s eye and notice being noticed, an interchange of being a subject for oneself and an object for another.

The existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre described this phenomenon and called it ‘Le Regard’ translated to the ‘The Look’, recognised in contemporary society as ‘The Gaze’. I felt this acutely when modelling as I, quite literally, became a professional object to be looked at. My body becomes a canvas for projected narratives, values and desire.

The line between defining my body for myself and for others became blurred and confusing. Am I going to this gym class because I’m expected to look a certain way or because I felt the need to move my body? Am I wearing this because I feel good in it or because I want to maintain a certain image others have of me?

This tension isn’t exclusive to modelling, it’s a reflection of today’s society. In a culture where we are being observed - on screens, on streets - how do we come to define ourselves when we are constantly seen through the lens of others? How do we balance living in our own subjectivity whilst inevitably being an object in another’s narrative?

Virginia Woolf published the essay “A room of one’s own” in 1929. She argued that in order to write a woman needs a room of her own, both a literal and metaphorical space away from societal pressures and conformities in order to create. Only in that space can true self expression emerge.

Similarly, Ive needed the space to reclaim the parts of myself that had been shaped my external narratives. Reclaiming space to be able to define my body for myself and to reflect on my motivations has become a necessary and ongoing exploration so I’m able to embody truths of my own.

Sartre said we become an object in the eyes of others, but we become more than that when we look inwards. We reclaim our subjectivity and define it on our own terms outside of industries or society, not to be seen but to be lived. That is where freedom begins.

Here is a link the fashion neurosis episode with Kate Moss. I love this podcast for making me fall in love with all the parts of fashion I wasn’t fully awake to and redefining how I think about something I once considered superficial.